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The things to consider when deciding about divorce varies somewhat from person to person, but here is a list of the most common items to contemplate:

Divorce Decision Item 1: Making sure that you are emotionally ready to go through with a decision.

Not being really ready to decide about whether to get a divorce because of emotional uncertainty will be a serious obstacle if you let your emotions cloud your ability to reason or use logic. People often fear making a tough decision and there are many reasons why people don’t ever get around to actually making a divorce decision, which is often one of the toughest decisions to make in life. If you aren’t ready to handle the emotional pain of what could be a “life changing” event like deciding about divorce, wait until you can before going through your divorce decision making process.

Divorce Decision Item 2: Making sure that the reasons for divorce that you’ve listed regarding why you think you want a divorce are indeed valid.

Too often people make the mistake of wanting to get a divorce (or thinking they want to get a divorce) for unviable reasons. This comes from being wrapped up with the idea of being hurt and focusing on one’s self rather than separating the actual events from the end results.

Yes, it is very tough to elevate your thinking and be seemingly autonomous to your own situation…in fact, it is often impossible to do. But, if you can look at your situation with someone else in your place, and then go through your divorce decision making process, you’ll be closer to the real answer that you want.

Divorce Decision Item 3: Understanding that your sense of self-confidence, ability to be ’self sustaining’ with finances or other material things, and desire to ’start over’ are all unwavering.

This mix of considerations about divorce can be overpowering for some people when they try to ‘break away’ or make the decision about getting a divorce. Simply, these ‘things to think about’ intertwine and affect each other directly. Self-confidence is essential to being able to make a lucid divorce decision, and your level of self-confidence can easily be changed (for better or worse) instantly. If this is the case, you should really re-think whether you’re ready to make a divorce decision and follow through with it.

A lot of time, women in divorce situations have to deal with finance issues and they fear going out on their own because they’ve had financial support previously. Still, the fear of losing finances or material things is not gender specific by any means…men and women alike need to decide if they are ready to go through financial loss to improve their lives if they feel a divorce will do so. Logic will lead you to the fact that finances shouldn’t be the only piece of your divorce decision even though it usually figures in…as to what level finances figure into your divorce decision, will depend on you and what you deem important.

If your overall confidence and desire to start over with your love life support making a change, you’re off to a good start in making a smart decision about whether to divorce or not.

Divorce Decision Item 4: Determining who else your divorce decision will affect and how much weight that carries in your decision making formula about divorce.

This item to consider when thinking about divorce is one of the primary things that can lead a person to a decision, one way or another. Even though it can have serious negative repercussions, selfless people will take into account everyone else who will be affected by a serious change like getting a divorce…it is fundamental portion of the overall process of making a smart divorce decision. Children, in-laws, common friends, etc., all will be affected by what you do regarding your action as a result of you truly answering the question, “Should I Get A Divorce?”.

When making your decision about staying married or getting divorced, you should look to the future and decide whether your decision will improve or decrease your quality of life and the quality of life of those that will be affected. The number one reason given by people who want to get divorced but don’t go through with it, stems from the fear that others will suffer from the divorce. Be very careful when assessing this situation…make sure that you use logic and not emotion when evaluating your thoughts.

Making a divorce decision is a serious and difficult task because it is complex, deeply self-reflective, and frightening due to the length of time it can affect you and others. Make sure that you have your thoughts organized and prioritized and you take your time in making a decision.

Karl Augustine

“A Practical Guide To Deciding Whether Or Not To Get A Divorce”

An eBook recommended by marriage counselors and relationship coaches to their clients.

Deciding on Divorce

Divorce Decision

If you have been asking yourself “should I get a divorce?” for any length of time, you should figure out what is making you feel that way if you haven’t already. Take the time to reflect back on why you’re leaning towards divorce rather than working out your marriage problem. Once you identify the things that are making you feel like divorce is the right option, make a list of those things.

Once you make that list, go back through each item on the list that led you to asking yourself the question “should I get a divorce?”. Look at each item on the list in depth and make certain you really deem those items as valid reasons for wanting a divorce, either in and of themselves or as a part of a common theme of reasons that make up a whole set.

Once you trim the list down to include only truly ‘valid reasons’, rank each reason in order of importance. Identify 2 reasons that hold the most weight to you and that contributed most to you asking yourself “should I get a divorce?”.

After you accomplish this, decide if these reasons seem like things that can be changed for the better or if they are just flat out unrecoverable. Soul search and decide whether or not you are willing to do what it takes to try and fix the problem that is associated with these reasons.

Example: If one of your reasons for thinking about divorce is because your spouse is insanely jealous of you having friendly and/or purely plutonic relationships with members of the opposite sex, decide whether or not you are willing to socialize less with members of the opposite sex (or in a different manner) or do what it takes to ensure that your spouse understands and believes that you truly love him/her. If you aren’t willing to do either of those things (or anything else it may take to change the situation), you have some serious long-term thinking to do about whether you really want to stay married.

If you have been asking yourself “should I get a divorce?” due to one isolated incident, you should re-live that isolated incident in your mind and identify why the isolated incident led you to the way that you feel now.

List the top 5 reasons that this incident hurt you to the extent it did (thinking about divorce). Then, think about what you feel the top 5 reasons are that led to the actual incident itself.

This is especially crucial because, even though it may be one isolated incident that caused you to think about divorce as an option, the reasons that led to that isolated incident may have been present for quite a while and need to be dealt with. The point is, just because one isolated incident ‘happened’, doesn’t mean the execution of that incident is the true cause of the problem. Chances are there’s much more to it, and finding out what those things are will help you identify the true story.

If you have been asking yourself “do I want a divorce?” and haven’t prioritized why you feel that way, you aren’t ready for divorce. What you are ready for however, is to go through soul searching to get to the root of the problem.

Author of “A Practical Guide To Deciding Whether Or Not To Get A Divorce”, the eBook recommended by counselors to thier clients. Proven “Actions Items” to help you decide!
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Should I Get a Divorce

The reality is that lawyers are people, and like people, there are some awful ones out there and a few wonderful ones. When you hire an awful lawyer (one who creates conflict rather than resolving it, one who makes your divorce worse, rather than better) everybody involved suffers. You suffer, your spouse suffers and your children suffer. Well, not everybody suffers. The awful lawyer doesn’t suffer, so it’s important to do everything possible to avoid hiring that lawyer, because that’s the only sure way to keep divorce lawyers from ruining your life. Here’s how:

1. Don’t hire the wrong lawyer. The lawyer you hire makes a tremendous difference. Use common sense in the selection process. Be observant, ask questions, and don’t hire someone if you don’t feel good about your interaction with him or her. Here are some things to think about in an initial meeting with a lawyer: 1) does the lawyer have a direct dial phone number? You can assume that if you have to go through a secretary or paralegal to reach your lawyer, you will have a harder time reaching him or her; 2) watch out for a messy office; if the lawyer is disorganized you can assume your case will be disorganized. If you see other clients’ documents sitting out in public view, you can know that your documents will soon be sitting out in public the same way; 3) make sure the lawyer has a written client agreement that ensures that you understand your fees, rights and obligations; 4) don’t hire the dabbler – someone that does a traffic ticket case in the morning, a real estate closing in the afternoon and squeezes your case in somewhere in the middle; divorce is complicated enough that you should hire someone who does it all day long, every day; and, 5) don’t hire a lawyer taking on more cases than s/he can handle; ask the lawyer what his or her average caseload is. Handling more than 15 or 20 cases at one time causes most lawyers to become overwhelmed and ineffective. Thinking about these issues when you meet with a lawyer for the first time will help you make the right choice.

2. Don’t let a judge decide for you. The minute you (or your spouse) go to court and ask a judge to decide your divorce for you, you give up nearly all of the control you have over the process. If you want to keep your money instead of giving it to a lawyer, and if you want to maintain control over your life, DO NOT LITIGATE. Go to court only as a last resort, only if all else fails. Try negotiation, try mediation, try collaborative divorce, try settlement conferences but do not litigate. You may win at trial, but at what cost? Will you be able to dance with your former spouse at your child’s wedding? Probably not. Litigation is destructive, expensive and gut wrenching. Litigate only if you have no other option. Litigation is, unfortunately, necessary in some cases. There will always be people that just can not agree no matter how hard you try. Reserve litigation for the most desperate situations.

3. Do hire a collaborative divorce lawyer (and get your spouse to do the same thing). Now you know you want to stay out of court. Do you want your situation to be resolved as efficiently, effectively, and successfully as possible? Of course. That’s the way collaborative divorce lawyers handle divorces. In a collaborative divorce, everyone involved (lawyers and clients) signs a written pledge to keep your case out of court. This keeps everyone involved truly focused on reaching a mutually beneficial agreement, without threatening costly and destructive litigation.

4. Don’t hire a mediator without getting legal advice first. Often, people think that hiring a mediator is a substitute for hiring a lawyer in trying to resolve their divorce. The critical mistake these people are making is this: mediators can not give legal advice. Their role is only to help people agree; the drawback is that they may help you agree to something that you would not have agreed to if you had sought legal advice first. Timing is everything here: using a mediator can be effective in resolving a divorce, you should never, ever hire a mediator without first obtaining legal advice from a lawyer whose only role is to represent your best interests. In fact, any good mediator will insist that you go and get legal advice before any agreement is reached, anyway. If you choose to mediate your dispute, get the legal advice before you begin mediation. It is more efficient and safer.

5. Don’t sign a blank check. Signing an agreement with a lawyer that calls for hourly billing is like signing a blank check. Be careful. Let’s face facts – hourly billing encourages what? Billing! Find a lawyer who can tell you what your case will cost. The only way to be certain of your attorney fee is to get a firm commitment on a fixed fee. Short of a fixed fee you need frequent updates on the costs that you have incurred (if it were our money we would want daily, real-time, updates over the internet) and we would want the authority to accept or reject any action that would result in our paying more money. It just doesn’t make sense to give someone the economic incentive to make your life miserable by dragging things out. Doctors don’t bill hourly – they charge you a fixed fee for your office visit or your surgery. Lawyers want you to believe that they can’t predict your fee. If they won’t tell you how much it costs then don’t buy it.

6. Do a cost-benefit analysis. In divorce, it is easy to get caught up in the emotion and make all of your decisions from that vantage point. This can be a mistake though; spending some time analyzing your case from a logical, cost-benefit perspective can pay dividends. Keep your eye on the ball and stay focused on getting the divorce finished so you can move on with your life. It is not uncommon for divorcing people to do things like spend $500 to get a $100 microwave oven. Don’t do it. If you can’t see a clear connection between your actions and achieving a final resolution of your case, then don’t take that action.

7. Do know your priorities. Frequently people going through a divorce find that their priorities change throughout the process. The things that they thought were most important when they began the process are not necessarily the same things that are most important at the conclusion. It is important that you review your priorities regularly, with your lawyer or on your own, so that you are always mindful of things that matter to you most. Staying on top of your own priorities allows you to keep your lawyer informed and better use the divorce process to obtain the results that your care most passionately about.

8. Do remain flexible. One of the most common mistakes people make when they begin a divorce is to decide that they absolutely, positively must have A, B, and C, and nothing else will be sufficient. Remaining flexible in the divorce process allows you to critically and impartially analyze all of the issues as they arise. This is especially true for people who have reviewed their priorities throughout the process (see # 7 above). Knowing what you want, and being flexible in your approach to getting it, can often mean the difference between success and frustration.

9. Do stay involved. When you hire your lawyer, don’t simply hand control of your life over to him or her and walk away. Your divorce is critical to you, and it’s too important to be delegated away and ignored. Stay abreast of developments on a daily basis. Find a lawyer who wants you to be as involved as you do. Two things to look for in a lawyer who wants to keep clients involved: same day delivery to you of all documents that come in or go out of the lawyer’s office (email is a great option for this) and 24/7 access to your case file. Ideally, your file will be available on an extranet on your lawyer’s website. If you can access your credit card and bank statements online, your divorce file should be online, on your lawyer’s website, as well. Many lawyers use technology to make your life less stressful and more convenient; find one who uses the latest technology to help you stay involved. Involved clients are able to maintain control, reduce anxiety and make better judgments about their future, which helps them to reach positive outcomes in their divorce.

10. Do educate yourself. Knowledge can be your greatest ally. Research the divorce laws of your state, whether through a local law library or the internet. NCdivorce.com is the most comprehensive divorce website in North Carolina. The site features a discussion forum with questions answered by lawyers, a child support calculator, the latest cases from the North Carolina Courts, numerous essays and information on all divorce issues, seminar videos, and lots more. Reading the information on this site will dramatically improve your effectiveness and efficiency in interacting with your lawyer and negotiating with your spouse.

Lee S. Rosen is a Board Certified Family Law Specialist and founder of Rosen Divorce, the largest divorce firm in the Southeastern United States. Rosen Divorce is a multidisciplinary practice of lawyers, counselors and accountants. Visit http://www.rosen.com for more information and articles.

We sometimes forget how good it makes us feel to give to someone in need. When we do help another and expect nothing in return. It sets off a chemical reaction inside of us which signals us that this is who we really are, who we were meant to be, and how we were suppose to live our lives, unselfishly and aligned with the universal power of love. That is why it feels so good to help another, to give without unselfish motive or expected to receive special favor. It feels right because it is right! We feel good because we have done something good. The feeling we receive isn’t by accident, but by design. It feels beautiful because live was designed to be beautiful, filled with love and brotherhood, much unlike the lives we lead in this fast paced dog-eat dog world. This is our escape from the evolution of self-centeredness, self seeking, and self righteousness.

When we give from our heart we receive that joy right back from the universe, or what ever source you believe to be your higher power. The gift we receive is priceless, yet unfortunately not timeless. The emotional high can only be substained by a continuous and selfless stream of giving. I believe we were always intended to be loving and caring to each other when we were all at one time aligned with the good intentions of life itself. Only humans have changed. The changing of the seasons can be counted on year after year. The trees and the flowers keep their same routine as do the animals who have kept the same routine forever.

What can we do to get our self aligned with everything else, including peace and harmony and just to feel good about our selves and those around us? Give without receiving, love without being loved in return, put a smile on a strangers face even when you are feeling troubled, and believe you were not put here to be unhappy, but to reap the joy, share your heart with another, and continue to do random acts of kindness, and you will receive your peace and serenity in exchange. Spread the love, Enjoy the peace, feel the harmony, and reap the blessings.

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Jay is a single parent of two darling girls, Faith, 11 and Elissa 7. Please enjoy the sites listed above for a great inspirational pick me up.

When you do have this realization, it can be rather shocking. You may feel many things. You may be glad you are not giving in and might want to stay single longer. Likely, you will feel as if you need to play “catch up”. When you think about it realistically, you need about three to five years to make it happen. After meeting the person of your dreams and dating for two years or so, you might get engaged. Then you will have to wait another few years to plan the wedding. That is after you meet the right person. If you are in your 30s, you might really be starting to panic.

You should know that no matter if you are the last person married or not, you should wait until you are sure you ready to tie the knot. Sometimes singles will rush into marriage just because they fear being the only single person left. If you are wise, you will sit back and take it slow. However, you might want to at least start thinking about trying to find Mr. or Mrs. Right.

Shaadi Bliss – Asian Husbands and Bride Catalogs

The bride and groom should both meet with the wedding coordinator so that he/she can get to know you as a couple and speak with you about your wishes for the big day. Coordinators will often convey their ideas during the first meeting and they may also go over a few pricing plans. The most important thing to keep in mind is to spend within your means. It’s tempting to go overboard and order the biggest cake, the prettiest flowers and forget all about the price. But, after the wedding is over and the cake is gone, the bills will still be there. So, set a budget and speak with the coordinator about your guidelines. Let them know that you already have an amount that you wish to spend and ask if he/she can put together a nice, memorable wedding ceremony according to your budget.

Wedding coordinators take care of every detail, including booking the location, catering, ordering the wedding cake, designing and ordering the invitations, ordering and arranging flowers, seating guests, etc. After hiring a wedding coordinator, the only thing that is really required of the bride and groom are to get their tuxedo and gown and arrive on time, ready to say “I do.” It’s important to enjoy being engaged rather than spending that time combing through thousands of details and trying to make sure everything is handled properly.

A wedding should be about the bride and groom, their own personal taste and wishes. Coordinators need to know what you want for the big day so that they can make it happen in a way that will be memorable for both of you. A wedding should be a personal event that reflects upon both individuals. If she likes romance, perhaps a Valentine’s Day wedding is in order. If he likes sports, perhaps the marriage proposal was made at a sports arena and the reception somehow incorporates his love of athletics. Discuss individual interests with each other before relaying them to the coordinator. Put your heads together and come up with something that you both will enjoy.

Of course, hiring a coordinator does not mean that the bride and groom will be closed off from the decision making process. In fact, it’s just the opposite. Both individuals will be very much involved in the selection of flowers, the design and wording of invitations, the design of the wedding cake, the location and time of the wedding, etc. The main difference being that, with the help of wedding coordinators, the bride and groom only make the decisions and do not have to worry themselves with finalizing all of the details. There will be plenty of decisions that need making in the years ahead, so it’s ok to just enjoy each other for now.

Cynthia has 11 years of experience as a published writer. At age 28, her work has already appeared in many national magazines. Her subjects range from wedding content to celebrity interviews. In 1997, Cynthia earned her paralegal degree while maintaining a writing career.

Wedding Party Help

You may want the flowers to co-ordinate with your colorscheme and today flowers can come in almost any color and can be dyed to match your colorscheme exactly.

Wedding flower ideas come all sorts of shapes and sizes and can be very fancy or very simple, they can be very grand or elegant and your wedding flower ideas can reflect your personality.

Many people like to decorate the venue for the service whether it be a church, city hall or outside and flowers are ideal for all of these locations.

In a church the seating arrangement can provide an ideal foil for wedding flowers to be drapped along often producing a very romantic atmosphere, ideal for your special day!

In a more official setting then stands can be used to support any arrangements that you like or an arch can be decorated to great effect.

Outside generally you will require something to support the flowers much like in the more official setting however thought should be given to any effect the wind may have on your displays!!

Where ever you decide to hold the ceremony is would be wise to check what arrangements can be made for your own wedding flower ideas just incase there are guidelines that require to be followed.

Lorna Mclaren has a website with infomation on where to buy all accessories for your perfect day http://www.a1-ourwedding.com.